Reflections
by Khylea
Summary: Anakin can't sleep, neither can Obi Wan. They spend some time talking about the people they love and miss.


Title: Reflections  
  
Author: Khylea  
  
Rating: G, nothing bad happening in here, kiddies.   
  
Characters: Obi wan and Anakin  
  
Time Period: A few weeks after the events in Phantom Menace.  
  
Archive: Sure, just drop me a line to let me know where it's going. sl_chester@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Anakin or Obi Wan, the word Jedi, the planet of Coruscant, Tatooine, etc etc. I am not making any money off this fic, yada yada yada. But hey, considering that I buy every new Star Wars novelization, DVD, and soundtrack that comes out, I think Mr. Lucas is far ahead in the money department anyway, so what's the problem if I play with a few of his toys now and then? I promise to be really nice to them and put them back when I'm done.  
  
Feedback: Better than a chocolate covered Jedi....check that....almost as good as a chocolate covered Jedi. Please send to above address. This is my first Star Wars fic, and I'm curious as to how you think I did.  
  
Summary: Anakin can't sleep. Neither can Obi-Wan. They share some time talking on the balcony about the people they love that they've had to leave behind.   
  
  
  
Anakin couldn't sleep. Compared to the melodic silence of the desert on Tatooine, the rush of vehicular traffic on Coruscant roared in his ears. Even at this time of night, the skies were filled with vehicles of all shapes and sizes, humanoid races beyond number going about urgent business. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to relax, but found his thoughts going between Qui-Gon, who he had thought would be training him, and Obi-Wan, who had acquired the job by default. He would have much preferred Qui-Gon. It had been obvious, even from their first meeting, that Obi-Wan considered him a burden, an annoyance. He hadn't even wanted to take Anakin from Tatooine. Obi-Wan tried to hide it from Anakin, tried to deny that the feelings existed, but Anakin could feel them resonating from the young Jedi's mind. It wouldn't be until much later that Anakin would understand why he could sense the feelings of another, but he knew without a doubt that Obi-Wan would have gladly passed him off on someone else, if not for the promise to his dying master.   
  
Anakin finally gave up trying to force himself to sleep and rose from bed, pulling a robe over his pajamas. Despite his best efforts, a shiver went down his spine. He hadn't been able to get warm since leaving Tatooine several weeks before. The adults had assured him that his body would quickly adjust, but not quickly enough for his tastes.   
  
He went to the window and pushed the blinds back, looking out at the city lights. It was a clear night, and he looked up at the stars, trying to find Tatooine's twin suns. He knew approximately where to look, but wasn't sure if they were even visible from Coruscant, and couldn't find them. He shivered and pulled the robe tighter about his shoulders, suddenly imagining his mother coming up behind him, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders, ruffling his hair, kissing his cheek. The tears threatened to fall again, but he pushed them back. 'Jedi do not cry' he said to himself, only half believing it. Though the Jedi would deny it, Anakin had seen Obi-Wan cry at Qui-Gon's funeral. He had pulled the hood of his robe far over his face, tring to hide his emotions, but Anakin had seen the tears nonetheless. Anakin hadn't cried, and was proud of that fact. 'Jedi do not cry' he repeated to himself, and pushed back the longings for his mother.   
  
He closed his eyes again and allowed himself to think of his mother, suddenly imagining her smiling proudly at a picture of him, missing him, but proud of the path his life was on. He let his thoughts return to Tatooine, and could almost feel her happiness, her pride in her son, and her love. He kept his eyes closed for several minutes, imagining her smiling face, the warmth in her eyes when he returned to their shack after another long day at Watto's. He suddenly became unaware of everything but his mother, unconsciously entering a meditative trance that would have made even Master Yoda proud.   
  
He was jolted out of it several minutes later and glanced around, shaking his head, unsure what had brought him back.   
  
"Master...no....look out!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
Obi-Wan's voice reached him from the other bedroom. Anakin didn't know exactly what had happened during the final battle in which the Sith Lord had killed Qui-Gon, but from fragments of conversations he had overheard between Obi-Wan and the other Jedi, he understood that Obi-Wan had become separated from his master and had been forced to watch, helpless, while Qui-Gon was run through.   
  
It had been several weeks since his master's death, but Obi-Wan's nightmares weren't lessening, and he was becoming more and more impatient with the mistakes of his young apprentice. Anakin understood why; he also tended to wake up grouchy when he'd had a bad dream, but still, it hurt to be barked at when he was doing his best.   
  
Anakin listened to the other bedroom. It was silent. Was Obi-Wan alright? Though he knew it wasn't his place to interfere, he quietly slipped into the bedroom unnoticed. Obi-Wan was awake, curled up facing the wall, his pillow pulled to his chest as he sobbed. Anakin watched him silently until he settled down, though the boy could tell he wasn't yet asleep. He slipped out even more silently than he had come in, not wanting to disturb his master if he was close to falling asleep again.  
  
But sleep still eluded him, and he headed for the balcony, looking up at the stars again, trying in earnest to find Tatooine's suns. He jumped when he felt a presence beside him and looked up at Obi-Wan. The Jedi looked like he hadn't slept for days. His sleeping tunic was askew, his face sunken with grief and exhaustion, his eyes red-rimmed and swollen from crying. But he made an effort to look cheerful for his apprentice. "Looking for Tatooine?"  
  
Anakin nodded, resuming his scanning of the sky. Obi-Wan looked for a moment, then pointed out two dim bluish stars, just slightly off the direction Anakin had been looking. "Right there. You see the two blue stars next to the larger twinkling one? Those are Tatooine's suns."  
  
Anakin nodded again, staring intensely at them, imagining the hot sands of his home. Obi-Wan watched him for a long time before suddenly remembering the reason he had come out on the balcony. "Here. I thought you might be cold. I brought you something hot to drink." Anakin took the cup and smiled.  
  
"Thank you, Master."   
  
"You're welcome, Anakin." He watched while Anakin sipped the rich liquid, not able to resist gently ruffling the boy's hair. His apprentice could be a pain in the ass at times, but when he put his mind to it, could also be a polite, likable young man, and in spite of himself, Obi-Wan was beginning to enjoy his company.   
  
Anakin froze, the cup halfway to his lips, as a sudden feeling of deja vu went down his spine. Obi-wan's touch was so much like his mother's, that for a brief instant, a rush of sadness had hit him. Obi-Wan quickly pulled his hand away, afraid he had frightened the boy. He didn't know much about what Anakin's life had been like as a slave, didn't know if his master had ever hurt him, and Anakin seldom talked about what it had been like. But Obi-Wan was a perceptive man, and was aware of how even a friendly touch could be interpreted by someone whose previous experiences with touch had been mostly of the unpleasant variety. He was surprised to see a tear making its way down the boy's cheek. He couldn't remember ever seeing Anakin cry; not on the rare occasions when he talked about his mother or Tatooine, not at Qui-Gon's funeral, not even when he had fallen during sparring practice and dislocated his shoulder. The boy seemed immune to pain, immune to grief. He was the most stoic nine year old Obi-Wan had ever known.   
  
"Anakin? Is something wrong?"  
  
Anakin shook his head, but set the cup on the railing and looked out at the city with wide, unfocused eyes. For several minutes, neither said anything. Finally Anakin met his master's eyes. "It's...." He swallowed hard, breaking the stare. "I'm sorry, it's nothing, master."  
  
"Anakin....something is bothering you. Tell me, please."  
  
Anakin met Obi-Wan's eyes, trying to sense if he should reveal what he was feeling or not. He let his senses go, trying to feel Obi-Wan's feelings, trying to discern if his master really wanted to help him, or if this was a thinly disguised 'I order you to tell me because you're my apprentice'. But he sensed only concern and worry from the Jedi, and finally spoke.   
  
"I....I miss my mother." He said softly, looking down, ashamed to admit weakness. He could just imagine what Master Yoda would say, 'Weakness, pain, a Jedi feels not these things.' He looked up when Obi-Wan gently laid a hand on his shoulder.   
  
"She would be proud of you, Anakin. This is what she wanted for you."  
  
"But, I mean, maybe she misses me too, maybe I should go back and be with her."  
  
"I'm sure she does miss you. But she wanted this for you. She wanted you to do good things with your life. She wanted you to see other worlds, to do great things for others. I know she'd be proud of you. She wanted you to become a Jedi." He paused. "And I thought that was what you wanted also. Are you having regrets about your choice?"  
  
"I...I don't know. I just didn't think I'd have to leave her to become a Jedi. I thought she could come with me. But she couldn't have, could she? Even if Master Qui-Gon had been able to afford her too, she wouldn't have been able to stay with me, would she?"  
  
"Not during your Jedi training, no. A Jedi must learn to let go of attachments to family and friends in order to totally dedicate themselves to their training. The Jedi are your family now, Anakin."   
  
"I know. But I still miss her."  
  
"I know you do. But sometimes to move on in life, we have to let go of the ones we love."  
  
Anakin heard the sadness in Obi-Wan's voice, felt the wave of grief roll off him, and knew he was thinking about Qui-Gon. "You miss him too, don't you?"  
  
Obi-Wan started, amazed at Anakin's insight. The boy had talent, no doubt about it. He took a deep breath, trying to think about his master in positive terms, trying to not let the pain overwhelm him again. It would not do to break down in front of his apprentice. Although he knew he hadn't hidden his grief completely from the boy. He had heard Anakin leave his bedroom earlier and knew his apprentice had seen him grieving for his lost master. "Yes." He said softly. "He was a good friend, and a good mentor. He was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. He always seemed to know just what to say to help me feel better. And he seemed so wise. It seemed he always had the answers. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be even half as wise as he was." He shook himself out of his remembrances, slightly embarrassed to have revealed so much about himself to his apprentice.  
  
Anakin nodded, thinking about what Obi-wan had said. After several minutes, he spoke again. "Was he like your father?"  
  
"No, not like a father, Anakin. Not like a parent at all. I don't know how to describe the bond between a Master and apprentice. It's more than family, more than friendship. It's.....a.....a partnership, a connection with the other, a sharing of love, of respect.....if an apprentice is close enough to his master, and the master close enough to his apprentice, a telepathic bond can develop."  
  
"So you know what the other person is thinking?"  
  
"No. It's not like that. It's just an awareness of them, of where they are, what they're doing, what they're feeling. A way of thinking together, of knowing what the other person is going to do before they do it."  
  
"Like when you and Master Qui-Gon were fighting with the Sith Lord?"  
  
Obi-Wan swallowed hard several times, fighting to keep the tears under control at the boy's innocent question. Finally he nodded. "Yes. We were able to feel for what the other was going to do, how they were going to attack, and were able to fight almost as one person."  
  
Anakin nodded, digesting the information. "Why was it so hard to beat him? You and Master Qui-Gon are both really good. He was that much better?"  
  
"Yes. He was. He was stronger, and faster. And he had light saber techniques that we didn't have an effective defense against."  
  
"You mean because of his two ended light saber?"  
  
"Yes. Jedi used to use the double ended light sabers, or one in each hand, but no one has trained like that for years. But now that we know the Sith have returned, we'll have to start that training again."  
  
"But I thought no one was better than a Jedi."  
  
"I don't know, Anakin. No one knows much about the Sith Lords. They were thought to be extinct. That was the first Sith Lord anyone has encountered for a thousand years. But from what little the Jedi know about what their training was like back then, it consisted exclusively of fighting techniques. They didn't study diplomacy, or galactic history, or languages, like the Jedi do. If all we studied was fighting, we would be that good at fighting too."  
  
"But we train to fight."  
  
"Yes, but not JUST to fight. Often a situation can be resolved with diplomacy, with getting the two sides to sit down and talk to one other."  
  
"So we train to fight in case the talking doesn't work?"  
  
"Exactly. Fighting is always an option, but a Jedi always uses it as the last option. When every other approach has failed."  
  
"And a Sith Lord uses it as a first option?"  
  
"They use it as the only option. They're not interested in diplomacy, or trade disputes. Their express purpose in life is to kill Jedi. So they learn only what they need to kill."  
  
Anakin felt another shiver go down his spine, this time not from the cool air. Sith Lords sounded scary. He hoped he never had to meet one.   
  
"So one Jedi couldn't kill a Sith Lord?" He finally asked.  
  
"I don't know, Anakin. Possibly a young Jedi might be able to. My master was unable to do any more than hold his own against the Sith Lord, but he was not a young man. He was planning on retiring soon....." His voice trailed off as the memories hit him again and it was all he could do to hold back the tears. He slumped against the railing, blinking his eyes against the tears. Anakin moved to join him. He looked at his master for a long time before finally taking his hand. Obi-Wan started and turned to look at the boy, who was looking up at him with wide eyes.   
  
"He would be proud of you, Master. You're a Jedi now. And you've been a good master to me."  
  
"No I haven't, Anakin. We both know that. I wasn't ready to be a teacher. Most Jedi have many years between the time they earn their knighthood and when they take on their first apprentice. Years when they grow and learn. Years of observing other Jedi with their apprentices. Years of learning how to teach, before they ever have to do it themselves."  
  
"I know, Master. But I know you're doing the best you can. I know you miss Master Qui-Gon very much." Obi-Wan nodded.   
  
"I won't lie to you Anakin. There is no point to it, since you seem to be able to sense when people are being truthful. I did not want to train you. I only agreed to do it because it was my Master's wish. He made me promise, with his last breath, that I would train you."  
  
Anakin nodded. "It's okay. You don't have to like me. I'm used to people not liking me."  
  
"No Anakin, you misunderstand. I did not want to train you at first. But I have grown to have a great deal of respect for you, for your abilities, and for you as a person. The more you learn, the more I see how much potential you have. You have the potential to be a great Jedi. And the more I get to know you, the closer I have grown to you. I was resentful at first. You were an annoyance." He flushed, glad the night sky hid his pink cheeks from the boy. "Maybe I was even a little jealous that you were taking my place with Master Qui Gon. But you have applied yourself to your studies, you have worked hard, you have made me proud of you. Your teachers tell me they are amazed at your progress in the remedial courses. You have made up almost a half year of study in only a few weeks. How could I not be proud of you?"  
  
Anakin felt a tightness in his throat at the rare praise from his master and suddenly realized how unfair he had been at assuming Obi-Wan snapped at him because he didn't like him. Obi-Wan had been under a lot of stress since Qui-Gon's death, had really been doing the best he could in a difficult situation, and Anakin's disobedience hadn't helped matters any.   
  
"Master? Could we develop that telepathic bond like you and Master Qui-Gon had?"  
  
"Yes. If you start listening to me when I ask you to do something, my young apprentice." He said with a scowl, but Anakin heard the underlying teasing tone and smiled. Obi-Wan did the same, the first time he could remember smiling since Qui-Gon's death.   
  
"Well, you better be getting to bed, young man."  
  
"You better be getting to bed too, Master. You need your sleep also."  
  
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at his apprentice. "Yes, Anakin." He replied with a grin. He ruffled the boy's hair again, and this time Anakin didn't flinch. "Go on. Off to bed with you. I'm going to make myself some tea and meditate for a while."  
  
"Yes master." Anakin headed for his bedroom, a slight smile lifting the corner of his mouth as he saw Obi-Wan head for the kitchen. He heard Obi-Wan open the cabinet that held the tea his master made nearly every morning, and his grin widened as he heard the crash of containers falling to the floor. He imagined the cans, stacked five high, and leaning against the cabinet door, just the way he had left them before he went to bed.   
  
"ANAKIN SKYWALKER GET IN HERE THIS INSTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!" Obi-Wan's voice roared from the kitchen, and Anakin turned and headed for the kitchen, giggling. So much for doing what his master wanted.....  
  
END 


End file.
